Are Your Emotional Triggers Sabotaging Your Productivity?

As working parents, we often wear multiple hats – professionals, caregivers, partners, friends. With so much on our plates, the last thing we need is something slowing us down. But often, it’s not just the tasks or deadlines that overwhelm us; it’s the emotional triggers bubbling beneath the surface.

Fear, guilt, hurt, shame, disgust or anger are emotions many of us carry without even realising how much they affect our day-to-day lives.

These emotions, when left unchecked, quietly influence our decisions, reactions, and energy levels. They cloud judgment, drain focus, and sap the joy from both work and home life. But there’s hope: understanding and addressing these triggers can transform the way you approach your day.

Let’s explore how fear, guilt, and anger might be holding you back—and what you can do to regain your confidence, productivity, and peace of mind.

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Fear: The Paralysis of Perfectionism

Fear often shows up as a relentless need to get things “just right.” Maybe you hesitate to share your ideas in a meeting because you’re worried about being judged. Or you avoid taking the next step on a project because you’re afraid of making the wrong move. Fear convinces us to play small, to delay, or to second-guess ourselves.

The truth is, fear thrives on uncertainty. It tells us that we’re not ready or not enough. But here’s the thing: fear’s power weakens when we face it head-on.

The first step is asking ourselves how we can create more certainty in a situation that feels scary. Think about a medical condition. Often we fear the worst, especially when we search for the symptoms online. Going to the doctor can create certainty and fear immediately goes away.

The same thing happens with a lot of things that we feel scared of. Our imagination and belief system takes over what could be the truth if we investigated further. Therefore, we decide not to pursue or understand more than our perception.

What to try:

Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen if this doesn’t go perfectly?

Often, the imagined consequences are far scarier than reality. “Fear lives in a dimension that does not exist” says my mentor Sam Qurashi. We are always scared of the consequence of something, not of the thing itself.
Take small, actionable steps:
Break down your tasks into manageable pieces to build confidence as you go. When you find certainty, ask yourself how you can move towards your aspiration and get closer to the goal at hand.
Name it:
Saying “I feel afraid” can reduce fear’s intensity and help you regain perspective. This is good but not good enough.

What are you afraid of? “I am afraid of failing”, “I am afraid of rejection”, “I am afraid of not being liked”, asking yourself, what else am I afraid of is key! The list should be longer than you think!

Guilt & Shame: The Weight of “Not Enough”

Guilt can feel like an ever-present shadow, whispering that you’re falling short; whether it’s at work, with your kids, or even for yourself.

It tells you that you should be doing more, even when you’re already stretched thin. There is a difference between GUILT and SHAME. “Guilt says I am doing enough”. Shame says: “I am not good enough.”

A little bit of guilt is needed to want to improve as humans, too much guilt becomes shame and keeps us stuck because we think that we cannot do anything about who we are. We are more prone to the victim mindset.

Shame is also very present in children who show and display a disproportionate amount of emotions at times that can be called tantrum for some. They may feel like there is something wrong with them and therefore take it on you, the parent to prove them wrong. Shame requires our attention as it can be destructive.

When there is too much guilt, it becomes like any emotions that are too present: “painful”. As parents, we’re especially prone to guilt. We feel bad about missing a recital because of a work deadline, or we question whether we’re giving enough time to our kids. But too much guilt rarely helps us improve. Instead, it drains our energy and clouds our judgment.

What to try:

List Your Guilt: Write down everything you feel guilty about, and rate the intensity of each out of 10.
Recognize Patterns: Where does guilt tend to hit hardest—work, parenting, or personal goals? Could it be how you yelled at your son, or how you responded to your colleague, or how little time you have spent with your partner?
Keep that list close to you and read it a few times. You can actually re-write the list in order of importance as well.
Speak It Out Loud: Record yourself naming your guilt.

“I feel guilty about missing my son’s soccer game”, “I feel guilty about shouting at my son”, “I feel guilty about not having healthy meals.”

Record all the things with the “I feel guilty about X” and listen to it again. Hearing it back can create distance and clarity.
Find Where You Feel It in Your Body: Where do you feel that guilt and recognise the emotion. That will help you find it more easily next time it comes up. Awareness will help you dissolve that guilt.

Extra resources for overwhelm & guilt:

Listen to this meditation for overwhelm that I created specifically for my clients around the end of the year. I feel it tackles guilt really well.

Anger: The Masked Messenger

Anger often disguises itself as frustration or irritation. You might snap at a colleague for interrupting you or feel resentful when a partner doesn’t pitch in. Beneath the surface, anger is often a response to feeling unheard, undervalued, or overwhelmed.

We sometimes think it’s “only” frustration when it is actually stronger than that. When I coach clients around anger, they feel ashamed to share the amount of anger they may be experiencing towards a family member because they were not allowed to express it in a healthy way as a child.

What we now do is learn how to recognise anger and accept it as normal.

When anger arises, it’s a signal that something isn’t working; a boundary may have been crossed, or a need has been unmet.

The key is learning to unpack what’s behind the anger so you can release it and make it more manageable. As a result, it becomes easier to control your responses and create healthy boundaries.

What to try:

Identify the Source:
Ask yourself, “What unmet need is causing this anger?” It’s often tied to feeling unappreciated or unsupported.

When you’re angry, manage your responses is the hardest part. Then, you may feel shame or guilt as a result of not being the person you aspire to be. But that guilt may be motivation for you to try and do better.
Pause Before Reacting:
Consider how you want to be remembered in this moment—calm, compassionate, or assertive?

When clients tell me they feel angry about something, it’s often anger directed at themselves for not knowing how to express (and how to get) what they want.

The fear of being judged or criticised is the main driver of anger. It stems from not being able to be ourselves as children or adults because we may not be accepted by our parents or friends as a result.
Connect to Your Values for Aligned Behavior:
One of my favorite exercises to help you figure this out and aim for “acceptable” behaviors to YOU is my Defining Your Core Values exercise.

Click here to download my free Values Exercise here!
Check Out These Resources:
Gabor Mate talks a lot about this in his books: the need for authenticity is real and we tend to want to connect with it more as we get older. Why? Because our body usually tells us that is what it needs now.

Here are two fantastic resources for you to learn more about the connection between suppressed emotions and our physical health as well as understanding our need for authenticity:

The Myth of Normal (Gabor Mate) and The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel Van Der Kolk)

The Path Forward: Awareness and Action to Overcome Your Emotional Triggers

Fear, guilt, and anger are not your enemies. They’re signals – clues to what’s happening beneath the surface. The challenge is not to suppress these emotions but to understand them and choose how to respond.

By naming these emotions, acknowledging their presence, and exploring their roots, you can create space between the trigger and your reaction. This space is where you regain control, align your responses with your values, and step into your most authentic self.

Ready to Understand Your Emotional Triggers Even Better?

If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect: which emotion feels the most familiar? Is it fear, guilt, or anger? Identifying your primary emotional trigger is the first step toward unpacking it and reclaiming your confidence and productivity.

Not sure where to start? Take my quiz: “What Trigger is Holding You Back?” and gain clarity on how to move forward with more peace and purpose.

Take the Quiz Now

Your emotional triggers don’t have to run the show. With a little awareness and intentionality, you can work through them—and thrive.

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**Career Mum Coach | ACC Executive Coach**

Meet Tania!

With three energetic kids, I know what it’s like to have to juggle your career goals and desire to be a good parent. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping working mums manage your time in the best way, so you can spend quality time with your kids and still find the courage to go after what you want in life.