Reframing the Morning Struggle to Create Calm in the Chaos

Mornings can feel overwhelming before they even begin. I often find that one of the toughest moments of the day is just before waking up my children. That’s why reframing the morning struggle can be one of the best things you can do to create calm in the chaos.

The school run looms ahead – getting them ready, making sure we leave on time – and on certain days, it feels heavier than usual. Maybe I didn’t sleep well, or my mind is weighed down by work. Sometimes, it’s just a mix of everything at once.

In those moments, I notice resistance creeping in – the feeling of not wanting to start the routine… I even feel some fear of what comes next and how I might respond to them if they feel dysregulated… But over time, I’ve found a few small shifts that help me reframe the experience, making it feel a little lighter and more intentional.

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Name It to Tame It: Reframing The Morning Struggle

One of the most helpful tools is simply naming what I’m feeling. Instead of just saying, “I feel overwhelmed,” I try to get curious.

Am I anxious? Stressed? Tired? Scared?

Where am I feeling it? In my chest? My stomach? My shoulders? Taking a moment to acknowledge these emotions – not push them away – often helps release them.

It creates just enough space between me and the feeling to remind myself: I am not my emotions. They are just passing through.

Gratitude in the Smallest Moments

We often hear about gratitude as a practice, but when we’re feeling stretched thin, it can feel like a big leap. So, I’ve found a way to make gratitude more accessible: focusing on short-term wins.

Instead of forcing myself to be grateful in a broad, abstract way, I think about something small and recent – a moment of connection, kindness, or progress. This helps me with reframing the morning struggle in the moment.

For instance, if I feel resistance toward waking up my son, I try to recall a moment from the day before (I find it easier the less far away it is) or the past few days when he did something kind or special. Maybe he encouraged his sibling, or he worked hard on something. When I go to wake him up, I bring that into the moment:

“Hey, you know what? I was so impressed when you helped your brother with his reading yesterday. That was really kind of you.”

It shifts my energy. And more importantly, it shifts his.

The truth is, when his energy flows, the rest flows more easily. The rest follows. It can be hard at times to feel like as parent, we have to always find ways to improve the day. I get it, I feel that way sometimes. The exhaustion of always needing to think outside the box and be creative.

This trick is effective though, it does shift the energy of the room before the day has even started. Kids can feel everything we do therefore if we share pride or joy, there is a chance it might also shift the day.

Sharing the Wins (Even Our Own) to Reframe the Struggle

On days when I struggle to find an example from my kids, I turn inward. I share a personal win with them – something from my own work or life, but in a way they can understand.

Instead of saying, “I finally filed my taxes” (which would mean nothing to them!), I might say:

“I had a big challenge at work yesterday. I had to have a tricky conversation, and it took a lot of effort. But I did it, and I’m proud of that.”

It’s a simple way to model resilience and self-recognition.

And the surprising part? Kids absorb this. My daughter, after months of practicing this, now asks me: “What was your win today, Mama?” It’s become a habit for both of us: a way to focus on progress, rather than everything still left to do.

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From the Gap to the Gain: How It Applies to Reframing the Morning Struggle

This idea stems from The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan, which has been a huge influence for me. Instead of focusing on what’s missing or what’s not yet done (the gap), I focus on how far we’ve come (the gain).

So much of our stress – especially as parents – comes from thinking about what’s next, what we haven’t done, what still needs fixing. But shifting the lens to see the wins, even the smallest ones, rewires the way we engage with daily challenges. It turns mornings from something to “get through” into a moment to connect and celebrate.

Small Shifts, Big Impact

We don’t have to overhaul our mornings to make them better. Sometimes, all it takes is a small, intentional shift – a pause to name how we feel, a moment to reflect on a recent win, a tiny piece of gratitude that feels accessible.

These shifts might seem small, but their impact is big. Not just for us, but for our children, too. Because when they see us practice this, they start doing it, too.

And that? That’s a win worth celebrating.

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I shared my personal journey in this video:

Did you find this helpful? I’d love to hear your journey and thoughts on this topic. Send me a message on Instagram.

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