Manage Triggers and Emotional Responses for Empowerment

Last month, I hosted a two-hour group coaching session on a topic that affects all of us, whether we’re parents, professionals, or simply human: Triggers. We discussed how to manage triggers and let go of feeling guilt or shame.

Triggers are those moments where an emotion – often one we’d rather not feel – takes over. We feel hijacked. Reactive. Overwhelmed.

And in that moment, we often forget one powerful truth:

We can’t control our emotions. But we can learn how to respond to them.

It sounds simple, but this shift in mindset can change everything: how we show up at work, how we parent, how we relate to our partners, and ultimately, how we experience ourselves.

Why Your Emotions Aren’t Always a Choice

For so many of us who’ve done therapy or coaching before, we’ve been taught that behavior drives emotion.

“If you choose to be brave, you’ll feel confident.”

“If you push through fear, you’ll eventually overcome it.”

And yes, there’s truth in that. Courageous action can create momentum and help you reframe fear. But what I’ve learned, and what I shared with the group, is that true empowerment doesn’t just come from pushing through.

It comes from understanding the fear in the first place.

Where is it coming from?
Is it fear of failure?
Fear of being criticized?
Is it linked to a past experience that still lives inside you?

When we ignore the emotional root, we may feel better temporarily, but the fear, the anxiety, the overwhelm? It always finds a way to come back.

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The Ripple Effect of Unchecked Emotions

When we don’t address the emotional intensity of our triggers, it doesn’t just impact our inner world, it seeps into how we show up in our lives.

It becomes impossible to manage your triggers.

One client messaged me recently saying:

I forgot I could be the fun parent.”

She realized that when she was consumed by stress, she stopped being creative, playful, open. And it wasn’t about needing more time or fewer tasks, it was about finding emotional space again.

This is the cost of unprocessed emotions:

We stop being who we want to be.

We disconnect from others, and from ourselves.

Confidence Isn’t the Absence of Chaos

There’s a quote I love from my mentor, Sam Qurashi:

Confidence is not the absence of chaos; it’s the ability to cope with it.”

That stayed with me, because it’s such a powerful reframe.

We often think, “Once things are calm, I’ll feel better.” But true peace comes from within. Not from everything being perfect around you, but from knowing how to navigate it.

That’s what we explored in the session: how our emotional triggers hijack our ability to be present, calm, and aligned with our values.

A Real-Life Example: The Parking Gate Incident

I shared a story with the group about a minor car accident that happened recently.

My husband, while juggling our shouting kids and rushing out for work, accidentally reversed into the parking gate. The back of the car was smashed, and my immediate response – as I heard the noise -was to look at him. You know that look.

In the session, I asked the group: “Who was responsible?”

It sparked a powerful conversation. Technically, yes – it was his action. But emotionally? The responsibility was shared. The kids were involved. I was involved. And most importantly, his emotional state in that moment was the real trigger.

He was overwhelmed. Distracted. Dysregulated.

This is what I help clients understand: We are responsible for how we respond, but not always for how we feel.

If we’re emotionally hijacked, we’re not in control. And if we’re not aware of our triggers, they will choose our behavior for us.

Your Trigger Isn’t the Problem. Your Reaction Is.

Another question I asked the group was:
What’s your default trigger response?

You might recognize yourself in these:

Fight: snapping, lashing out, needing to “win”
Flight: walking away, withdrawing
Fawn: submitting, people-pleasing to avoid conflict
Freeze: shutting down, going numb

Each one is learned. Each one is shaped by our experiences, our wounds, and the models we grew up with.

Many in the group shared that they fight back, and then feel immense guilt. They apologize, again and again. But the pattern keeps repeating.

Why?

Because they haven’t addressed the root emotional wound that triggers the response.

What’s the #1 Trigger You Need to Unpack to Boost Your Confidence as a Working Parent?

Discover the emotion keeping you stuck and get strategies to overcome your triggers with this quick 9-question exercise!

Take the quick quiz here!

When Guilt Turns into Resentment

A powerful moment in our conversation was when we explored repair, especially in parenting.

Yes, your children will forgive you. But not always fully.

If they feel judged, blamed, or criticized – even if it’s subtle – that pain can linger. What they need isn’t just your apology. They need to feel that you see them, accept them, and aren’t projecting your own pain onto them.

This is the deeper work. It’s not just behavior management; it’s emotional leadership.

You’re Probably Feeling More Than You Think

At one point in the session, I gave the group a case study about a divorced mother I coach who’s navigating complex emotions around parenting, work, and her relationship with her ex.

I asked: How many emotions do you think she was feeling in that moment?

The group guessed four or five.

In reality? She named 53 different emotions.

That’s the gap. Most of us have never been taught to identify, name, or hold space for that much emotional nuance.

But when we start to? That’s when the healing begins.

The Power of Emotional Curiosity to Manage Triggers

One of my clients recently lost someone dear to her. At first, she named sadness. But when we stayed curious, she uncovered layers of anger – at the situation, and even at her partner.

That unspoken anger was quietly shaping her behavior, her tone, and her presence in every other area of her life.

This is why I encourage every client to stay curious.

Because behind every strong emotion is a story. A need. A wound. And often, a message that’s been waiting to be heard.

So… What Can You Do to Manage Triggers?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But here are a few powerful places to start to manage your triggers:

1. Emotional Journaling

This is one of the most transformative tools I use, personally and with clients. My mentor Sam taught me to focus not on “what happened,” but on what I feel.

What’s underneath the surface? What emotion am I avoiding? What do I need to release?

2. Shift the Conversation

When a client tells me, “I want that promotion, but I freeze in meetings,” we don’t jump straight to strategy.

We look at what’s happening emotionally. What story is running the show? What emotion is speaking the loudest?

3. Use Reframes To Manage Triggers

One reason parenting feels so triggering is that we’re doing it differently from how we were raised.

We allow more emotional expression, but we don’t always know how to hold it. Because we’re still learning how to hold our own emotions, too.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Carrying A Lot.

The truth is, many of us are suppressing emotions we’ve never been taught to safely express.

To be accepted, loved, and praised growing up, we learned to minimize our feelings.

But they didn’t go away. They live in our bodies. In our reactions. In our triggers.

And it’s never too late to reconnect, release, and rebuild.

✨ You can feel more grounded.

✨ You can respond instead of react.

✨ You can clear the emotional “back catalog” that’s been weighing you down.

I’ll be sharing more tools and practices to manage triggers soon, but if this resonated, start here:

Write.
Name what you’re feeling.
Get curious.

And know that you don’t have to do this work alone.

With warmth,
Tania

I recorded a quick video with my thoughts on this topic. Watch it here:

https://youtu.be/5-W5iKG7hKE

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**Career Mum Coach | ACC Executive Coach**

Meet Tania!

With three energetic kids, I know what it’s like to have to juggle your career goals and desire to be a good parent. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping working mums manage your time in the best way, so you can spend quality time with your kids and still find the courage to go after what you want in life.