Warmth + Competence = Charisma: The Confidence Equation No One Talks About

If I asked you to think of someone truly charismatic, what comes to mind? For most people, charisma feels like a mysterious trait. Something you’re either born with or you’re not. But in truth, charisma is something we build. It’s not a performance or a personality type; it’s the ability to help people feel both safe and impressed in your presence.

That’s the real equation: Warmth + Competence = Charisma.

This equation was taught to us by Vanessa Van Edwards in her book Cues. The below is a recap of her teachings, as we also used this to practice with the group ladies in October this year.

The idea is to focus on how you present over the content. However, in November-December, we spent time creating a beautiful story to also dedicate a special attention to the message. In the following blog posts, there will be more on Story Telling and how to craft your ideal story. Both Cues + Message = becoming a more influential leader.

For the time being, let’s pause on Cues and how to create more of an impact as we speak.

And understanding this balance can completely shift the way you show up, at work, at home, and in your relationships.

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The Myth of “Natural” Charisma

I hear this often from clients:

• “I’m not the loudest voice in the room. I do not really feel people are listening to me. I feel I have to repeat myself a few times.”
• “I’m not extroverted. I am not very good at public speaking.”
• “I’m not sure people find me confident. I am not sure how I can get that promotion when I am not able to deliver the message effectively.”

And yet, when we dig deeper, these same people are deeply empathetic, thoughtful, and capable. They just haven’t learned to show it.

Charisma isn’t about being the most talkative or charming person in the room. It’s about how you make others feel.

As Vanessa Van Edwards describes in her book, when your warmth (empathy, presence, openness) meets your competence (clarity, confidence, groundedness), people trust you. They listen differently. They feel at ease, and that’s what draws them in.

You don’t have to be “on” all the time. You just have to be in tune.

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Warmth: The Energy of Safety and Connection

Warmth is what makes people feel seen and valued. It’s your tone, your body language, your curiosity, your ability to listen: not to respond, but to understand.

Warmth says:

• “You matter.”
• “You’re safe with me.”
• “I’m here, and I’m present.”

It’s in the small things: a genuine smile, a nod of understanding, relaxed posture, open hands. It’s the difference between looking at someone and seeing them.

But warmth without competence can sometimes be misunderstood. It can come across as overly accommodating, or as if you’re unsure of your value. That’s where the second piece comes in.

Do you feel you lean more on to the warm side or competent side when you speak?

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Competence: The Energy of Grounded Confidence

Competence is what communicates trustworthiness: not just that you care, but that you know what you’re doing. It’s calm, not controlling. Clear, not cold. Firm, but never forceful.

Competence shows up in your posture, your tone, your pacing, and your ability to pause instead of rushing to fill every silence. It’s allowing yourself to breathe, to stand tall, to know that your presence carries weight, even when you’re quiet.

When my clients start to embody competence, they often realize that their voice doesn’t need to be louder. It just needs to be clearer. Their authority doesn’t come from saying more; it comes from saying what matters, and letting it land.

Competence is showing your palms when you speak, it is also maintaining a steady eye contact as well as nodding. In her book, it has a few more beautiful examples that can be used and practiced. Sometimes we focus a little too much on wanting to sound competent when the shift is practicing social cues of competence.

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Finding Your Balance

Some of us naturally lean more toward warmth: the caretakers, the listeners, the empathic leaders. Others lean toward competence: the planners, the experts, the detail-oriented doers.

Both sides are valuable. But the real magic (the energy people describe as “charismatic”) happens when we integrate both.

If you’re high on warmth:

• Practice grounding your energy before you speak.
• Slow your pace. Make your point, then pause.
• Remember that confidence isn’t arrogance; it’s clarity.

If you’re high on competence:

• Bring your body language into the conversation.
• Make eye contact. Smile with your eyes.
• Let people feel your humanity as much as your expertise.

The goal isn’t to change who you are; it’s to make your inner confidence visible.

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Charisma Isn’t Performance. It’s Alignment.

Charisma isn’t about perfect posture or practiced gestures. It’s about congruence, when what you think, feel, and express are in harmony.

When you speak from a place of alignment, people feel it. When you listen without agenda, people trust it. When you lead with both warmth and competence, people follow not because they have to, but because they want to.

The next time you prepare for a conversation, presentation, or meeting, ask yourself:

• How can I help others feel safe in my presence? (Warmth)
• How can I help them feel confident in my abilities? (Competence)

When we practiced sharing with the other members of the group our morning routine using the social cues that Vanessa Van Edwards shares in her book, Charisma became a lot more easier for most of us. Smiling and tilting the head as we speak for the ladies who tend towards competence was such a beautiful realisation. Similarly, with the ladies that lean towards warmth, showing hands when speaking, creating space between the head and the shoulder and slowing down the pace of speech created a true level of impact.

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